


Before You Go

by Iflyinmydreams (orphan_account)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22262494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Iflyinmydreams
Summary: Based on the song "Before you Go" by Lewis Capaldi
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Before You Go

_ Was there something I could have said to make it all stop  _ _ hurting? _ _ I wish I had known how worthless you felt. I would’ve told you I loved you. I should have told you I loved you. _

_ Light, I love you. _

The pen found a resting place on the old oak desk next to the paper with the words he wasn’t sure how to write. There was more. So much more. But why did it matter now? It was too late. He was gone. That laugh would haunt him. That endless, pristine smile. All the things he was that L was not, that he could never be, but wanted. Things he reached for but never obtained. And he had them for a moment in Light. But now they were gone.

The roof always seemed so beautiful to him when it was raining. The discomfort of being soaked through and shivering like a cool reminder that he was still so painfully alive. It was unfair, all of it. Every raindrop sliding down his prickled skin screamed it. Every dark cloud, each rumble of thunder. Life is unfair. It’s unfair. Unfair.

He could throw himself from the roof right now and join Light in that glorious afterlife. If there was one. Was there one? Was Light dancing with the angels? Sometimes L half expected wings to spring from his back while he was still alive, so  surely he was finally gifted the thing he was denied while living. Like sanity. And happiness. And life.

What was the last thing L had said to him? Oh yes. “Before you go,” he walked over and gently clasped that  perfect hand and kissed those sinful lips, “Good luck out there. It’ll all be ok.”

How foolish he was to believe that smile, that kiss, and that gentle squeeze of his hand before he watched Light walk out of his life for the last time. He should’ve known how tortured the boy was. It was plain as day in his eyes. Finding out who he was, what he’d done; it was too much for him. It would’ve been too much for anyone. L was too self-involved to see it. So much for being the world’s greatest.

The flames flickered as they ate at the page. L shook his singed hand and rubbed his fingertips together as he dropped the paper in the waste bin. It turned to ash just like Light had. The fire eventually died, and L was alone in the dark once again. Where he belonged, he felt. L squeezed his eyes shut and drew a shuddering breath. “Before you go,” he whispered to the cold, dark air, “I love you.”

That’s what he should have said. Maybe then Light would still be alive. Maybe he would be asleep in his bed. Maybe he’d be making love to him right now. L laid down and pulled the covers over his head. The pillow would do well for soaking up all his broken dreams. Light helped him dream again, feel alive again. Now... “Before you go...” L knew his memory would fade. He knew his face would fade along with the pain. But before that  happened he needed to let him know, “I miss you, you know. It could be twenty years from now and I would still love you.”

_ Before you go... _


End file.
